hey yall,

its been a while. i forgot i had this. mr. mike pilarski reminded me.  thanks mike :)

ok.......lately things have sucked.

hollister has lost its magic.  i hear the same song 100000000000 times and have to smile and be peppy and nice to everyone. well i am tired of this niceness. i told somebody i didn't like this girl i work with, and she found out. i am thinking she's going to beat my ass. she's bigger than me too, so she'd probably accomplish her goal of the ass beating.  she is just so shallow i can't stand it. i like a few people i work with now. i miss a lot of people that left.

school sucks. i finally made a c in spanish, which i am sadly satisfied with.

i am not doing well in math, and my teacher is not being helpful. i asked her for a tutor and she blew me off and said she had to go to another campus. 

i am tired of shit. i want someone's arms to burry myself in, and i want someone to tell me it will all be okay. but nobody's around to do it.

i saw a pierced nipple the other day. the nipple owner : a stripper

interesting day it was. 

i like a guy named scott.

i want to see mike pilarski soon, and i want to get together with droo and jason.

hey guys :)

i'm a hollister girl now- which is really exciting. my favorite guy i work with is Chris. he's 28. he's one of the managers.  he says i'm worth a platinum shit
yay! there's a bunch of hot guys there.  i look forward to getting to know them...   John is pretty cool for the most part, he's kind of bossy...but I suppose that's what bosses do. This guy I work with, Jay, kissed me last week. It was kind of awkward.  I told him I was sexually frusterated (which happens frequently now days) and he said that basically meant I wanted to f* him... not exactly what I was going for.  So he tried to go up my shirt & put my hands down his pants.  I was kind of in shock- because when I said it at tech, everybody just agreed and went on eating their lunches.  And here was this fairly good looking guy putting my hand on his crotch-- totally not expected. I kept telling him we couldn't do that, ESPECIALLY at work, but it didn't seem to phase him.  It seemed like we were in there forever, all I could think about afterwords is how weird things would be between us.   Now when i see him, i think -My hand touched your peeter-.  The next time I worked with him, he was an asshole.  We were assigned the front of girls, and he went off to talk to the guys while I did everything.  He's always making sexual references about me and sometimes I just want to knee him in the balls. 

        I started school today. went to two classes, have one tomorrow.  There's a guy in my communications class named Jonah..  always reminds me of the whale.   I have a light courseload because I'm going to work a lot this semester. I want to see some of my tech friends. Droo got a car (no more moped!), Brandon's gone to clemson with George (I miss my george).  I'll probably get together with Jason sometime soon to catch up. 

    well, i'll see you when i see you :)

      Hey guys   I hope you're all doing well. 

      I'm less swolen, I went to the oral surgeon yesterday and he said I looked like Lindsay Lohan.  So I suppose that's better than the chimpmonk I was looking like. 

      I get my hours for work this Sunday, so I'm all excited.  I got my new outfits, and I'm ready to make some money...   Speaking of money, Droo has made enough money from working at Carowinds over the summer to buy a CaR! He seems so much more driven that when I first met him.  Like he's got a purpose.  I really admire him now.  He's turned his life around. He's really wise because he's had so many different expereinces, he knows what to do & what not to do now.  He's good with guy advice, too. And he made all B's in his summer classes-- wow.  I don't know if I could do that whole summer school thing, I like my summers too much.  

        I'm SO ready to start back to school at CP....I went to a campus, Levine, and it was awesome.  It's even got an exercise room...not that I would ever use it, but it's nice to know it's there   It looks like a brand-new building. It's got so many more courses available.  And from what I saw, there's less smoking-country people.    

           I'm pretty interesed in this whole criminal justice bit.  I don't know if it's because of law & order, or CSI, but it just fascinates me.  I want to be a bad-guy catcher, not one that chases them around the streets, jumping over fences & cars and all that.  I would be something else.  CP has lots of criminal justice classes. It's got a Journalism course- but I'm waiting for USC to take those.    I'm taking Spanish, Math, Physcology and something else but I can't remember.

     I don't really know anybody from my new school.  There's a lot of people I'm going to miss.  I went to York Tech the other day to get my transcripts and turn in my over-due library books.  It was kind of sad to think I was ending that chapter of my life. I was blessed with some great teachers and advisors.  I'm so thankful to have had the friends I had.  I'm a lot less naive to things I think.  I'm still naive, I know this, but I'm aware of much more.  I've learned things that will go with me forever.   

Hello hello.  My swelling has gone down a lot, but my bruises are getting bigger around my jaw and cheeks.   Over all, I'm feeling better.  I attempted to eat some solid food today, but ended up getting out my masher to make it easier. 

     I had yet another breakdown last night. The first night I was freaking out about death. The second night I was crying for no reason and I couldn't stop myself.  I cleaned my room and took a much-needed bath.  Then I read my book and wrote in my journal. I'm ooober emotional and these pills are making me really loopy.  I think I miss having somebody.  But it's nice not having anybody bringing me down. 

 I think that with my job will come some interesting opportunities. 

 I'm still d-r-u-g-g-e-d up from getting my wisdom teeth out.  I had a reaction to some of the pain medication I took last night, so I suppose I shouldn't take any more Perkastats.  They gave me some zooped up Motrin for a back up drug (helps with the swelling).  And a nasty medicated mouthwash to try.  And a syringe to clean my teeth with. My swelling has gone down a lot.  But I still have three chins.  My neighbor girl Emma had her surgery today, so we are going to be sick crazies together.    We're going to the movies tonight :):) I haven't been out of the house much at all this week.  And it'll be night time- so there won't be as many people staring at our goofy swelled up selves. 

        I had a breakdown last night.  I don't know if it was the drugs, or the not getting out of the house- or a combination of both-- but I was freaking out. 

       I'm reading a new book; Bird by Bird.  It's about writing & life.  It's really insightful, and I think pretty much everybody can relate to it.  I'm going to start writing again when I'm off these drugs.

    Well, I'm off-*